A Conversation with Myself

I've been really thinking tonight...thinking about how one joke, rumor, and conversation can cause irreversible effects on the people involved.  I've been thinking about how despite what we believe, what we do is what leaves a mark on each other.  We may believe in kindness, but if we treat others the opposite way, not only are we hypocrites, but that is what we will be remembered for.  Now this conversation in my  mind was also brought on by finishing the Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher less than an hour ago.  However, it is sometimes I often think about.  Personally, I hope the people around me feel nothing but love and kindness from me, but I know that sometimes this gets clouded by frustration and not-so-nice comments.  I try to be as conscious of my own behavior as often as possible.  I believe once you stop trying to become a better person is the day you stop being human.  As humans, we are never perfect.  And I think those that think they are are in for a wake up call.
I also think thinking about our behavior is also very important with the occurrence of the holiday season.  During this time, we are often surrounded by loved ones and spending quality time with them.  As much as gifts are nice, it is the conversations with them and memories made with them that will be remembered.  So it is time to give, sure gifts, but more importantly, love, kindness, and support, so that our effects on each other and positive and that we build each other up instead of tearing each other down.
With these thoughts floating around in my head, I'm off in a little bit to head to the gym with my Dad.  I recently was frustrated with him the other day and I can't seem to forget about how I reacted.  When I'm away at school for most of the year, I really cherish the time I'm at home and hope that only happy memories are made, however there are still times that I act in a fashion that I wish I could forget.  There are times I say things I wish I could take back.  But things happen, and all I can do is focus on making more good memories, thinking good thoughts, and strengthening the relationships between myself and my family and friends.  It is easy for me to just assume they know how I feel about them, but I know that I must be conscious of how I treat them and make sure I remind them how much I care for them.  I don't want any of my loved ones to feel alone because they don't realize that how much love and support I'm offering them.  The last thing I want is for someone I love to not know where to turn when they are feeling down.  I like to listen and I like to show my love.  It may not always come out the way I like.  I make mistakes.  I am human.  But I am working on the effects I have one those around me.  I want to leave good memories not bad ones.  I want to leave smiles and laughter, not scars and tears.